Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Thursday's Confessions- looking for a sign

Welcome to Thursday's Confessions. A weekly feature where I confess, before you my sisters and brothers, the silly, the ridiculous and even at times the shameful. Why? Because confession is good for the soul. Even in Blogland. 

*WARNING* This post is fairly whiny and self involved. 


Confession:
Sometimes I want to throw in the towel. I want to go hide under my blankets and never come out.
I don't want to have faith or trust or hope. 
I don't want to wait. 
I don't want to keep saying "everything will work out as it should." 
Even though deep deep down I know that 's true.
It's just that one or two layers above that truth lies a very thick layer of impatience.
I want what I want when I want it. (Insert serious foot stomping and pouty face here.)
Or at the very least I want a sign (preferably SOLD) to show me all will be as I wish it.

But that is not how life works. Stamping my food has NEVER worked. Ever.
So why is the temptation there? Why can't I skip this phase and move straight into tranquil peace?
Why do I have to wear myself out like and an over wrought toddler who just needs to give in to sleep?
Kicking,crying and pounding the floor with my fist till I finally pass out?
(I warned you that I was going to be whiny and melodramatic. )

I don't know. Maybe this is how it always will be with big changes. Maybe someday I will learn how to wait without anxiousness from start to finish. Maybe. 
Until then I will breathe deep and start again.
But for now I just needed a moment. 
Its' Thursday after all.





PS- Happy Groundhog Day!

7 comments:

  1. I totally get this. I know you're impatient for huge changes in your life, like moving to the farm. For me, impatience is related to little things, like growing my blog and getting sponsors, but I am super ready for these things to happen. I know that it takes a long time for a blog to become big and successful, but it seems to happen overnight for other bloggers, why not for me? Usually I can take things one day at a time, but I have those days when I just want to cry and I just want to wallow in self-pity. Sad, right?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do stomp the feet and pout too. I'm quite adept at it. To me it is never easy to see how things worked out just they way the were supposed to until it's over. Then it's easy. Also, no matter how many times things go that way in our lives, we still tend towards the anxiousness and impatience. Because we're human. Saying prayers and keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I haven't written a blog post all week. I've shut down because I, too, am looking for big changes that aren't happening.

    I love you for writing exactly what I've done/felt/been this week. It's been a rough one for me too. Hugs, dear one. This learning patience is TOUGH!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous7:20 PM

    It took us a year and a day to sell our house. I understand.

    ReplyDelete
  5. hang in there... i love seeing what talented people like you can do! I'm going through huge changes too... I'm determined to stay positive!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I know exactly what you speak of because I'm exactly the same way. Big changes are never easy... even the good ones, when waiting is involved. like I need to tell YOU this ;)

    keep the faith, sister...keep your heart focused on the prize, and I know you, Nate, and the boys will have everything you ever wanted.

    And yes, everything will work out because it has to. You & Nate are the family I have my faith & trust in to not only make it through any struggle,hardship, or plain 'ol change that is placed in your path, but to be a stronger family unit because of it.

    And I'm not even wearing my rose-colored glasses (I'm afraid I lost those a long time ago)....I know the four of you probably work harder on your family & creating the life that you want than anyone else I know.

    So, for purely selfish reasons, I need you to have your happily ever after....for me. Deal? :)

    love you more than words can say
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Does it help to know that you're not alone? :)

    ReplyDelete

ok, really. tell me the truth... do these comments make me look fat?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...