Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Long Haul

So here is the deal, let's start with the good: We found our farm. Well, we found a farm. It's not ours just yet... The farm has a  small workable house with some land and barns and a pond. And it is perfect for us.  There are pastures for me and woods for Sweet Man. It is not too far from work and school, and it is closer to some of our very best friends. So after months of planning and revisiting it over and over we made an offer and it was accepted. Hurrah!

But here is were it get's dicey. Here is where reality hits. We have to sell our current home first. There was a chance we wouldn't have to, and then there was the small chance that we had a buyer waiting in the wings, but neither of those things worked out. And at first those bits of news were really hard to take. I won't lie, I have shed my fair share of tears over all of it. But, if I am really honest, both of those options would have come with their own sets of really big issues and hurdles,  which may have bit us in the hinney in the end. Still, it was hard to see the "easy answers" slip away.

To me this is the tough part. Putting our house on the market. Packing, cleaning, purging, fixing and waiting. The last time we sold a house I was a stay-at-home mom with a 3 year old and the market was so different. I think it took two or three weeks for that house to sell and the waiting was agony.
Looking back I could just slap myself. 3 weeks! Can you imagine? I was spoiled!
Sometimes I have complete serenity about the risk and the work that is ahead. But then there are the other times I completely freak out because the reality is I have zero control over how long -or if- it will take to sell our house. And while often realizing I have no control is completely freeing, there are other times when  it is just maddening. Total bat-sh*t maddening. Today was one those days. Today I  laid on the floor and cried big ole whale tears about it all. And I didn't  just metaphorically lay down on the floor, no I actually laid down on the actual floor. Afterward, not only did I have lovely swollen eyes and a splotchy complexion, I also had carpet impressions all on the side of my face. I alone am bringing sexy back,let me just tell ya.

Eventually I got off the floor and took a shower. And then I went and bought clearance Christmas wrapping paper for 74cents a role which actually really helped.  Also hugs from my momma and sweet text and empathy from my bestest friends, and total calmness from Sweet Man helped too.
Sometimes it takes the kindness of others and clearance wrapping paper to see the forest for the trees. At least that is how it is for me.

After I talked to Sweet Man, I started going back through my photos of the farm and I found this one. Do you see what I see? Do you see the heart in the dry creek bed? I must have seen it and taken this picture on purpose, but I have no memory of it. And yet there it is; A heart. In the dry creek bed.

New Years is days away and I am so ready. 2011 brought with it lots of good things and lots of hard things. In some ways I feel like I spent 12 months swimming upstream. I love to swim, but upstream will wear a body out. 
This year when the ball drops at midnight and when I am eating my black-eyed peas and cornbread on New Years Day, I will not be making many wishes. Instead, I will be saying a prayer. I will be praying that through all of this - this house, the farm, the book, our finances, and our family life changing- that we not lose heart, that we not grow cynical and calloused.   That we not put our faith in realtors and mortgage companies and publishing houses and to-do list,  but that we put our faith in the one who carries our hearts for us. The one who is with us for the long haul, through the thicket, over the barb wire, in the dry creek bed and in the middle of the bat sh*t crazy, when we cannot see even a tenth of the forest for all the monstrous trees that block our view. Instead of a wish, that will be my prayer as we start 2012.
But if I forget that come January 2, will someone pleases slap me? 


  1. So happy for you. God is good and will surely work things out...with prayer... I will pray for you. A Farm!!!! I want one. Still have to wait to see where my family will end up after May when My hubby graduates from Seminary... I have chickens in mind. Keep us all posted this is such an exciting adventure, don't worry too much. Mica/The Child's Paper

  2. oh, utterly thrilled as I am for you & the boys for seeing this awesome dream coming true, I so feel your pain of saying goodbye to your lovely home. There's a good chance I will be saying goodbye to my lovely home, too - although for very different reasons - but feeling that looming up ahead, less than 2 months away? Let's just say that empathy abounds :)

    But we're talking about YOUR house, aren't we, and from the moment I stepped into your house, it felt like home. It is filled with comfort & beauty, simplicity & chaos, love & And your farm will have all of this & more, because you & Nate will work to make it so.

    love you :)

  3. saying a prayer for you! i'm sure it is so hard not knowing and everything being up in the air...but it will work out how it is supposed to. thinking of you!

  4. having just moved myself, i know how crazy and gut-wrenching this all is. i hope you get your dream...lay it down...He knows your heart.

  5. Wow what an awesome farm! We too would one day LOVE to live on a farm. You are way closer to your dream than we are though. Thankfully God is in control and his timing is the best timing :) May 2012 bring wonderful things for your family!

  6. Wishing you all you want in 2012 - All will be forgotten in months when you move to your dream farm!

    We ran into the same challenges 2.5 years ago when we had to sell our home. A few suggestions on prepping your home for sale: Buy a load of plastic bins (don't remove the labels, so you can write over them in permanent marker) and fill them with all of your personal things and other stuff you do not need to have for a few months and then stack them neatly somewhere (garage? cellar?) Clean off every surface and try to eliminate your "flair" for decorating (this was the hardest for me - but people need to see beyond our personal taste) Buy some "plug-ins to make your house smell springy (Bath and Body Works Clean Linen) and put it by front door. Turn on all lights when someone is coming - even during daylight - - hope you sell quickly - we did it in 5 days when houses in our area were taking 80 days! This WILL be a Happy New Year for you!!! Love your pics

  7. Just like your offer was accepted, you will be accepting someone elses will happen soon!! You are a "seller" sweetheart...pretty it up and post pics on here and your house WILL SELL!!! You gotta let God do his job and stop stressing!!

  8. From our farm to your farm -- *Your Farm!* -- a very Merry Christmas.

    May you find that peace that surpasses all understanding, even in the midst of all the craziness. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate between the new farm, the book, etc. An exciting 2012 ahead for you!

    Grace and peace,
    Jennifer Dukes Lee
    Contributing Editor,

  9. On days like this Jerusalem I repeat as if breathing the words, "and All shall be well, and All manner of things shall be well" Julian of Norwich . I figure if there's poop then somewhere there is a pony.
    Should this not ease the angst I lie on the floor and cry. There is not always wrapping paper on sale.
    Happy thoughts to you.

  10. Sending prayers that by spring you are planting n poufing your new farm full of family n fun critters! Our transition here was very very difficult but somehow we survived and even thrived. I KNOW you will sell soon! I'm a huge fan and bet there are many locals who would LOVE YOUR HOUSE!! Wishing you you peace not puffiness during your own transition!

  11. Jerusalem,
    I've been a lurker on your blog for several years now. You have always inspired me. I am wishing you the best this year and I can't wait to see your farm decorated in your style. I would love to live on a farm too. I hope it all works out.

  12. It's so good to have a moment to come here and catch up with you, Jerusalem. You have so many exciting things in the works. Best of all, I love that you know Who your source is. He is really the only confidence we can have. So glad you know it. And, so thankful for the reminder, friend.


ok, really. tell me the truth... do these comments make me look fat?

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