Sunday, February 11, 2007

off the subject


I fear menopause. If my current hormone roller coaster is any indication of what is to come, I am in trouble.
As a teen I had horrible cramps and break-outs and things like that there. I may have had mood swings, but I don't remember. You would have to ask my mother.Then as a 20- something things were better and mostly fine. Some cramps, rare break-outs, not too many mood swings that I recall. However since the birth of my second kid and turning the big 3-0 my body seems to have developed a whole new routine. Shall I share? Great!

First I get really hungry. I have to eat NOW! I have to eat EVERYTHING! I am going to starve! There isn't enough food in the world. I am SO hungry!

Next, I sleep. I sleep and I sleep and I sleep. I sleep standing up. I sleep reading, eating, changing diapers. I am so sleepy, I can't keep my head up. It's like 9th grade algebra after lunch all over again. All I want to do is sleep, people can't you see? I just need sleep. And if I don't get sleep? Then I cry. I cry and I cry, cause all I want is just a little sleep. Please!!!

Then come the cramps, but they are still nothing to the ones experienced in the teenage years. So they are just a blip on the radar screen. So those we shall pass by.

Finally comes the trifecta of moodiness: Depths of Despair. The Mean Reds. The Doldrums. Let me walk you through them (aren't you glad you stop by today? The day of the Overshare?)
First there are The Depths of Despair: This is the phase were I feel like a girl not asked to the prom. I feel lonesome, and invisible and like a lone weed, begging for attention in a field of roses. I get weepy looking at peoples MySpace pages and all their many, many friends. I get weepy watching Friends... even the bad ones. So you can see how much fun that is...
Next comes the Mean Reds. In this phase no one can do anything right. Not Nathan, not the kids, not myself, not any driver on the road or any check-out girl at the store. They are all in a vicious conspiracy to annoy me and make my life harder, I am sure of it.
Finally all of this is sealed with a good ol' round of the Doldrums. Nothing inspires, nothing satisfies. I sit like a bump on a log on the couch and watch silly TV. I stare at the piles of fabric and paper and glitter and can't possibly imagine what I could do with it all. I read my favorite blogs and they make me tired. They are so creative and happy and filled with FUN THINGS TO DO. Yuck. Who would want that? Too much effort.

The good thing is that I am married to a sweet man. A sweet man who brings me bags of chocolate without question. A man who over the past year has help me recognize this pattern and who doesn't hold it against me. Because of his help, I can usually identify all these mood swings as they are coming on (or soon thereafter) and I know they are temporary, even when they don't feel like it. I know that I really do love him, and the kids. That I am not a lone weed. That I am surrounded by lots of people who love me and like me and think I am keen. That it is OK to let go and eat too much and sleep more and watch silly TV for hours on end and to pamper this funny body of mine. After all, it bore me 2 children, gives me all my feminine charms and is fun to dress in pretty clothes and fancy shoes. Better to embrace the food and the sleep and the bad TV and give my body and myself a well deserved 3 day break than to fight it and everyone around me. I am not Superwoman after all. Thank goodness.

2 comments:

  1. have you been reading my mind again? only i dont fear menopause i think about the day where i wont have to deal with all themonthly crap. i really love ron white's statement about... its a bit off color to post here but lets just say we are goddesses in his eyes for having to go through this every month.

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  2. darling, you are so not alone! I may have been blessed with not-worth-mentioning-cramps, but I am right by your side when it comes to the mood swings. Especially the thought that the entire world is there soley to piss me off! And luckily, I have a sweet husband, who knows when to leave me alone, and knows when to put a gentle hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

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ok, really. tell me the truth... do these comments make me look fat?

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